With A Little Help From My Friend
by Nihlism
Summary: Salazar has a problem that he would generally fix with magic, but his wand has been confiscated for an investigation. Now, at twenty-five years old, he's in a tough spot. Lucky for him, Helga is always there to help a friend.. whether she likes it or not. One-shot. AU. Some founders fun!


"You _can't_? What do you mean?"

"It means that I am unable to perform the task in question."

"Yes, I'm well aware of the literal meaning. What I meant, is _why_ can't you?"

"Because I don't know how."

"What?"

"Have you gone deaf, by chance?"

"Oh, shut it. I'm not deaf. I'm just.. well, confused."

"Confused by what?"

"How is it you've made it this far in life without ever having to do it?"

"I'd assume that would be obvious, wouldn't it? I come from great wealth."

"So what you're telling me is, you have no idea how to do it, because you had servants to do it for you until now?"

"Essentially, yes. Regardless of _why_ I can't do it, the fact remains that I can't do it."

"Right, okay. Well.. I mean.. would you like me to show you how?"

"I-I'd be lying if I didn't say that it pains me to ask someone like you for assistance."

"Well then it's a right good thing you didn't ask, isn't it?"

"There are many times in a day, in which I feel a profound level of loathing towards you. This is one of those days."

"Fantastic, then my job is done. Now let's get on with the more important part. It's quite easy, I assure you."

"Are you implying it needs to be easy for me to do it correctly?"

"Heavens no, we're not talking about your choice in women here. This is a much different matter entirely."

"While I appreciate your wonderful feedback regarding my love life-"

"Hush up, now. We're getting started. Let me see your hands."

"My _hands_?"

"Yes, O brilliant one. Your hands. Let me see them."

"...why?"

"How in Merlin's name do you expect this to happen without your bloody hands being involved?"

"Well, truthfully, I thought this would be a quick spell and be done."

"A quick _spell_? A quick _SPELL_? Truly, are you that bloody dense? Have you got a wand, boy?"

"Of course I've got a-oh. No, I haven't got a wand, currently. And what do you mean, ' _boy_ '? Who exactly do you think you are?"

"The person attempting to teach some ridiculous sod a basic bloody life skill that is about twenty years overdue, aren't I?"

"It sounds so much worse when you say it like that."

"You seem to be operating under the impression that it's not actually as bad as it sounds."

"Well, maybe it isn't."

"It is. Hands. _Now_."

"It's really not that important, you know. I'm sure I'll be just fine. We can just-"

"You seem to forget, Salazar, that I _do_ possess a wand, in a situation where you _do not_. If you don't provide me with your hands now, I will gladly remove them from your person."

"F-fine. You win."

"Good. Let's hope that you can follow direction as well as you can hiss. Take one in each hand and follow my lead."

"Er.. I seem to have a slight problem."

"What _now_?"

"Is it supposed to look .. er .. like this?"

"What.. what on earth have you _done_?"

"I was following your lead, but you lost me early, I won't lie."

"Merlin's beard, you are a lost cause. Let's.. let me fix this mess before we begin again. **_Retexo._** Now, follow along. I'll go slower."

"Er..I think-"

" ** _Retexo._** "

"Um.."

" ** _Retexo._** "

"Bollocks."

" ** _Retexo._** For the love of all that is holy, Salazar. Please stop being so prideful and PAY. **_Retexo._** ATTENTION. **_Retexo._** TO. **_Retexo._** ME. **_Retex_** -"

" _WAIT!_ "

"What?"

"I've got it, haven't I?"

"Would you look at that? Miracles _CAN_ happen. Very good, Salazar. You've now mastered _tying your shoes_ , magic-free."

"Thank you, Helga. I'll never tell you in public, but we're all much better for your presence."

"I appreciate it. Now go away. I don't want to look at you for a while."

"Same to you, _dainty_ puff."

"Goodbye, snakeskin."

Small A/N: I needed a spell for "unwind/untangle" and 'retexo' seemed the most promising!  
I don't own these characters, just borrowing. :)


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